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How to Navigate Challenging Life Transitions

When we’re young, life transitions are fun and empowering. We go from crawling to walking, walking to running. We start with training wheels but soon no longer need them. As we age we graduate into higher grades and become more independent.

But as adults, life transitions can feel not so fun and far from empowering, because life transitions can often include loss: loss of a job, a marriage, and loved ones. During these life transitions, we can feel out to sea, completely at the mercy of the tides that seem to be tossing our lifeboat around.

If you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed right now because you are facing one or more life transitions, here are some ways you can navigate these choppy waters:

Slow Down

Have you noticed that the pace of life has picked up? Most likely your heartbeat and breathing have also picked up as a response. It’s time to slow down.

As simple as it may sound, slow, deep breaths are a powerful way to tell your body that everything is okay. Right now, your body is in “fight or flight mode,” as you subconsciously, and maybe even consciously, feel you are being attacked. Making time each day to be still, away from the noise and chaos to breathe deeply and slowly, will slow down your heart rate and make you feel calm and peaceful.

Embrace Uncertainty

I know, it seems completely counterintuitive if not downright impossible. But when we surrender control and embrace the unknown, with an almost scientific curiosity about outcomes, we feel positive emotions (curiosity, wonder) instead of negative emotions (lost, out of control).

Acknowledge the Cycles of Life

Someone once said, “This too shall pass.” Life, like weather, has seasons. While you may feel stuck right now and like nothing is going the way you hoped or planned, recognize the truth, which is, this too shall pass. Transitions are just that, an uncomfortable bridge from one part of life to the next.

Fall Back on Traditions

Rites of passage have been used for thousands of years in all cultures to help people transition from one place in life to another. It’s time to call upon this ancient wisdom of our ancestors and empower ourselves.

Rites of passage put us in the driver’s seat. We can acknowledge that things MUST change because we intuitively understand that the human journey is all about facing challenges and becoming new versions of ourselves.

Life, such as it is, throws us curve balls and sadness and things that cast fear and doubt into our vision. This is natural and no one escapes.

But there ARE ways to navigate these challenges. Try the three tips listed above. And, if you’d like additional help along your journey, please get in touch with us.

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The Truth About Perfectionism

We live in a society that values things that appear perfect. And I suppose there are things that can be perfect. Architects can draw the perfect straight line, mathematicians can solve an equation with a perfect calculation, and a chocolate cake can be perfectly moist.

But as human beings, we can never reach a state of perfection because we will always be a work in progress. Perfection indicates a finality – a finished product – but we as humans are always growing and changing.

What is Perfectionism?

Many people view perfectionism as a positive attribute. They believe the more “perfect” they are, the more success they will have in life.

Perfectionism is NOT the same thing as always doing your best. It is important that we always do our best. By doing so, we can experience healthy achievements and growth. But perfectionism takes this concept to the extreme.

People with perfectionist tendencies often have self-defeating thoughts and/or behaviors that actually make it HARDER to achieve their goals. Perfectionism also can make the individual feel stress, anxiety, and depression.

Signs to Look For

Most human beings, from time to time, will strive for perfectionism in some aspect of their life. As an example, that “perfectly moist chocolate cake” I mentioned earlier got that way because the person who baked it was trying to get everything JUST RIGHT as a gift for someone’s birthday.

But there are those people who are “full-time” perfectionists. They strive for perfection in all aspects of their life.

Here are some signs you may be a perfectionist:

  • You don’t like to attempt tasks or activities unless you feel you can complete them perfectly.
  • You are end-oriented, meaning you focus little on the process of creating or learning something and put all of the emphasis on the outcome.
  • You cannot see a task as having been completed unless it meets your perfectionist standards.
  • You tend to procrastinate because you don’t like starting a task until you know you can perfectly complete it.
  • You tend to take far longer completing tasks than others. This can be problematic at work.

Getting Help

Again, perfectionism is not the same thing as doing your best. It is a condition whereby the individual is almost incapable of feeling joy or pride at what they accomplish because in their own minds, they are never quite good enough.

If you believe you may have traits of perfectionism and this is causing you stress, there are things you can do to change your behaviour so you can live a healthier and happier life.

If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to us.

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De-stigmatizing Mental Health Therapy for IPOC

Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety can and do affect people of all ages, economic backgrounds, and nationalities. And yet, many indigenous people of colour (IPOC) do not seek the help of mental health professionals. In fact, the underutilization of mental health services by IPOC is one of the most persistent health disparities.

What are some of the reasons or causes for this underutilization of mental health services?

Mental Health is Considered a Taboo

In many IPOC communities, speaking about mental health struggles is considered a weakness or taboo. Getting in touch with one’s emotions is not considered a good thing and speaking about your emotions or showing vulnerability to a stranger is often thought of as unacceptable.

Therapy is Not Perceived as Credible

Many in the IPOC community are less likely than European-Americans to perceive therapy as credible, according to some research. This may stem from the fact that the focus of common treatments (CBT as an example) is on the methods (self-disclosure) and these methods seem somehow unrelated to possible positive outcomes (a reduction in anxiety, as an example).

Collectivistic VS Individualistic Cultural Values

Many IPOC communities come from a collectivistic background, meaning they value the group as opposed to the individual. People in these communities may have an interdependent view of self as well as an emphasis on interpersonal relationships. Whereas many in the European-American communities come from an individualistic cultural background that supports an independent view of the self and emphasizes self-development and self-growth.

Language Barriers

One of the biggest obstacles in receiving effective mental health care is being able to express your feelings. But oftentimes, a language or communication barrier stands in the way of an IPOC community member seeking treatment.

What Can Mental Health Community Members Do?

More discussions must happen within the IPOC community itself for real change to occur. Overcoming the stigma of mental health is not something that will magically go away. But mental health professionals can help facilitate these conversations through outreach. These professionals should also seek to learn as much as they can about the different cultural communities in their local area so they can tailor their messaging.

If you or someone you know would like to explore treatment options, please reach out to us. Our goal is to create a safe and non-judgmental space for people of all backgrounds to explore their inner world and get the help they need.

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Knowing When to End a Relationship

Relationships can enrich our lives, but they can also cause damage. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or significant other, any relationship comes with its share of challenges. And more often than not, putting in the effort to resolve relational issues can and does result in a healthier bond.

But there are those relationships that, no matter the amount of work and goodwill put into them, will never bring a return on your time or heart investment. These relationships are toxic, and they need to be ended in order for you to heal and move on.

3 Signs the Relationship Needs to End

There are More Negative Interactions Than Positive Ones

Every relationship has its good interactions and its not-so-good ones. But there are those relationships that seem like every interaction is tense and filled with negative emotions. When communication becomes difficult or impossible, the relationship is beyond fixing.

Vastly Different Needs

In the beginning of a new friendship or romance, it’s easy to try and compromise with one another, making certain both person’s needs are being met. Over time, some friends or couples realize their needs are too different.

For instance, in a romantic couple, someone may need more sex than the other. Someone may need to always be in control or have a need to lie. These kinds of clashing needs are a red flag for any relationship.

A Blatant Lack of Respect

Respect is essential in relationships. But sometimes there are those individuals that seem incapable of respecting the other person, their needs, their boundaries, their wishes, etc. These people tend to be on the narcissistic spectrum and are incapable of having empathy or respect for others’ needs.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of signs, but these three are some of the most common and problematic signs.

Letting Go and Moving On

Once you know it is time to end the relationship, you may find that your head and heart waffle back and forth, wondering if you are making the right decision. This is why it’s always a good idea to have someone in your corner you can rely on to give you honest feedback, sound advice, and clarity.

Sometimes you can find this champion in your network of friends and family, but other times it might be best to find a totally neutral third party. Someone you never have to wonder whether they are “just saying that” because they love and care about me.

A therapist can help you navigate your intense emotions and make the best decision for your happiness and peace of mind.

If you are currently struggling in a relationship and would like some help navigating it, please reach out to us. We would be more than happy to discuss how we may be able to help.

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